The Banner on Cohabitation

On January 23rd, The Banner posted an article on cohabitation. The following is my response to that article. One individual posted the following link in their comments, which I thought was helpful information: 2208 Cohabitation Report, but should not be the basis for our argument against cohabitation. The basis for our argument should be scripture.
Lots of great advice for compromising God’s word! But before that, what’s good about this? This article starts with a few stories to persuade us with emotional dilemmas and ends with urging us to challenge people to delve into Scripture.
There are a number of hints at good responses, but they seem to be peppered in to take off the edge of the response the author is proposing and to appease those who wish a true Biblical view of marriage and co-habitation. There is a gap between the cultural practice and what the Bible (not always church) teaches. There almost always is, in any era and any area of life.
So how should we respond?

1. Remember the gospel of Christ: We do need to love God and love our neighbor. We need to bear each other’s burdens (Gal 6:2). We all bear our own sins, and are called to build up the body of Christ (Eph 4:16) and restore each other gently (Gal 6:1). Restoring involves repentance.
2. Teach them God’s purpose in marriage: We should point them, not only to a covenant relationship, but that marriage is an institution of God (not of the state) and illustrates our relationship and salvation through Christ.
3. Teach them the Biblical qualifications from an early age: Teach them the Biblical qualifications for each partner in their role. Not to be unequally yoked (2 Cor 6:14), the sacrifice of the husband, his washing the wife with the Word, leading in godliness, providing and protecting (Eph 5) and raising up children.
4. Drop the old arguments: There are always false teachers and false doctrines. There are always negative influences from our culture. Learn the new arguments from the culture and engage the arguments and address them directly with your children. If teaching of God’s law isn’t done from an early age and it gets to the point of co-habitation this looks judgmental rather than helpful. Our ideas and arguments should be shaped by scripture, not the latest studies or situations, those always change and become crumbling sand.
5. Keep the scare tactics: OK, maybe not quite like that. But, the compromise explained in a couple of the stories show that the individuals fear man, or serve finances, more than the fear and serve the Lord (Prov 9:10).
6. Strive for God’s standard, and His Word: The arguments in the article forget we have a high standard, while none of us can meet it perfectly; it’s not a race against what could be worse. The author seems to argue that our culture is full of greed and murder, only maiming someone is a step toward love.
7. Our goal is to save their soul: We certainly hope and pray that those cohabiting will come to repentance. That could look like eliminating the sexual immorality, or it could be recognizing God’s beautiful plan and institution of marriage. Or, in the worst case, it can mean expelling those in sin (1 Cor 5:5) to save their soul.

The culture already has enough other areas where they have influenced the church. Which complaint would you rather hear from your young adults? "I can’t get laid." Or "I can’t find a godly man/woman worthy of my respect and honor." When we follow the culture we create both of these complaints. Shouldn’t we rather bring the culture (as far as it depends on us) under the dominion and rule of Christ? The pagan culture we live in today is a result of the church not doing its job.

Influential Books That Shaped My Life

We were watching a video Sunday night about family discipleship from the Vision Forum conference on building a multi-generation (200 year) vision for our family. I stole the idea from there, but we discussed books that have shaped my life and I decided to list and share those here on the blog.

Chosen by God by Dr. R. C. Sproul: This book helped explain the doctrine of election to me as I struggled through it being raised in a family and denomination that does not believe or teach election or predestination. I use Paul the Apostle and Jonah as examples as they chose different paths than what God wanted, but in the end they followed His will.

Refuting Evolution by Dr. Jonathan Sarfati: This book came at a critical time, my first real challenge of my faith by a co-worker who questioned that anyone could believe a book 2000 years old and we know so much more from science today. I had never thought about it at all, and sought out the truth. Another co-worker guided me to Answers in Genesis where this book was being featured being recently published. I couldn’t believe how little real data evolution was based on. I ended up teaching it in our church’s adult Sunday School classes. I couldn’t get enough information; I read as many books I could get on the topic (15 during the 12-week course).

A few others shaped me in more minor ways around creation and science. The Puzzle of Ancient Man by Dr. Donald Chittick helped me see this in archeology as well and opened my eyes to the concept that man’s intelligence is devolving (capacity and ability – not technology) rather than evolving. Bones of Contention by Dr. Marvin Lubenow helped me understand that man has a great ability to categorize and create a natural progression based on taxonomy where there is none. And finally, Dismantling the Big Bang by Dr. John Hartnett helped me see the incredible power of predictions in science and did a thorough job of breaking down the concepts and evidence surrounding astronomy and the Big Bang.

Ideas Have Consequences by Dr. R. C. Sproul: This book helped open my eyes to philosophy and the four causes. It also helped me see that two equally brilliant men can come to complete opposite conclusions; the difference is not in their intelligence, but in where they started. Presuppositions change a lot.

Dominion and Common Grace by Dr. Gary North: This book was when I really understood the dominion mandate both broadly and with depth. I began to see my responsibility as a man on this earth and began seeing areas everywhere, where I needed to take dominion, or others did. Before that, my former pastor Al Bandstra shoved me into dominion in my family with his Father’s Day sermon on Jonadab. This was a turning point for me, and was built on by further lectures and materials by Doug Philips of Vision Forum and by Scott Brown and others with NCFIC. This shaping is still happening and I need to do more reading and applying.

What Hollywood Teaches about Manhood by Dr. Voddie Baucham: This is actually a lecture on CD that does a wonderful job of explaining Biblical Manhood and illustrating the contrasts as seen through several Hollywood movies. This is a CD that I have listened to and been encouraged by several times, I never get tired of it and it spurs me on and reminds me of my Biblical responsibility in my family and my work. There are many other lectures by Voddie Baucham that have been excellent and influential as well.

Besides those, I have been influenced by several people, especially my family, on a regular basis. This is largely my own family, wife and two boys, but also my extended family on both my side and my wife’s. There were many other books that had some influence, but these were the ones that shaped my thinking and I still recall today.

Always Reforming

Several years ago, as I was participating in an online forum, I ran into the phrase, “once reformed, always reforming.” Looking back, I see that what was meant was simply, “always changing.” Since then, I’ve heard and seen this phrase used a number of other times. It was mostly being used to support some kind of “change” in the church or in theology. Those changes weren’t always for the better though, nor were they always more Biblical. I also ran into a definition used by a 3rd-party HR organization which stated that “reform” was any change for the positive. I found the best definition and a good Christian application in a lecture at a conference titled, “Semper Reformanda” (see here.

Since then, I began hearing a number of other “re” terms used among Christians. These often sounded nice, but didn’t always reflect a change in the right direction. Here’s a quick list and explanation of these, and I’ll circle back around to “reforming” at the end to properly understand reformation. Change is a good thing, if it’s the right kind of change and if it’s not done just for the sake of change. Let’s take a look at a couple of these.

Renewal: Many look at church and worship as just needing some renewal or to refresh it so it comes alive for those who participate. The CRCNA has taken this approach by establishing the Calvin Institute of Christian Worship and focusing on worship renewal. This seems to assume that people have just become bored and need a constant barrage of newness in order to keep us interested. It assumes people need to be attracted to church through what we, as humans, do in our programs, music, etc… rather than being attracted by “the sound doctrine that conforms to the glorious gospel of the blessed God” that has been preached since the time of the apostles. (1 Timothy 1:3-11) Even if the words are not used, this is the underlying theme behind many purpose-driven or seeker-sensitive churches. The one thing that does need renewing is our minds. (Romans 12:2)

Reinvent: The Emergent Church started use of this terminology with the statement that Jesus is fine, but we need to reinvent church. They say rather than being Christians, we need to be Christ-followers or followers of Jesus. However, Christians worship God through the church; the church was formed based on Scripture through the writings in the New Testament and the teaching of Jesus. Yes, some have strayed from that and need to be restored. But if you’re in a church that understands and follows the regulative principle of worship and worship in the way Scripture teaches, then reinventing church is essentially reinventing Jesus because the church was established by Christ himself. Reinventing worship takes the wrong assumption that we invented it in the first place. People didn’t invent worship, God did, and He instructed us how we should worship Him in his Word.

Reforming: Unlike the way I heard it defined, simply as change, or positive change. Reforming that is meant by this phrase is, re-forming our thoughts and actions to a standard. In the Christian’s case, that standard is scripture. Not just any type of change, but specifically, changing to conform to God’s Law.

So, reinventing church is best done by reforming it to what is taught in scripture as we have drifted (or run) away from God’s plan. We also don’t need to keep “making it fresh” as Marty does in Madagascar, but instead need to renew our commitment to God’s Word and his gospel.